Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Find It

I was emailing a job consultant my CV and I wrote this line.

“Please find my resume attached with this mail”.

Then I found observed something strange with the line. I corrected that to –

“I have attached my resume with this mail. Please find it”.

This was even more amusing. Why was I telling him every time to find the resume when he knows exactly where the attachments would appear in his mail inbox and when today’s emails strive hard to offer a very simple and clean user friendly interface?

But ever since I am applying for jobs through emails, I have found seen myself and others writing this line over and over again. Could anyone explain me the rationale behind it? Or is that I am taking a figurative and flowery statement too literally?

PS: To my current employer –


Sir has left and now it’s a madam there.


That consultant forwarded my resume to you and since then I am your employee. This is the thing of the past and so don’t get hysterical at the mention of the resume.



Sunday, February 21, 2010

The Interview

The most thought provoking interview I have ever given –

No, I am not a celebrity. And it was not a big TV channel interviewing me. I had appeared humbly for my first job interview for a private multinational company. Before the interview, there was a written test and I had cleared it. Though a mate from my college was not through, I wonder why, since we had done a collaborative job in the test. With tears in his eyes I saw him leave the campus and I waited for my turn.

I watched the public engrossed in their books, into last minute revisions, as if they knew what was being asked. My name was called. It was a big hall and there were three interviews simultaneously going on in three different corners. I went thinking – every room has four corners, still they have left the fourth corner. May be some logical question would be asked on this. Why the fourth corner is left alone. I eyed my interviewer and at the other two interviewees. With the arrangement, I was to sit facing the wall and against my deepest desire, I had to turn my back to the beautiful girl in the opposite corner. My interviewer brought me out of my reverie. I looked at him. This was the man on whom my career depended. He would fetch me my first job. I had never felt so obliged to a perfect stranger before. He began:

Interviewer: “Please take you seat”

I pushed myself down.

Me: “Good morning sir”. Though it was 3 in the afternoon, still, the most used salutation from my school days is still not leaving me. He chose to ignore.

Interviewer: “How are you?”

Not mixing this usual question with the online chat rooms answers I have always given, I carefully watched my words and said “I am perfectly fine sir, though a bit nervous and excited.”

Interviewer: “What’s making you nervous and excited?”

I regretted saying the obvious but then how would I have known that he would drill me on this. I restrained myself from telling him that his presence and being with two other girls in the same room is the reason for my mixed reactions, respectively.

Me: “First job interview sir. Big deal! I am a little apprehensive about it.”

Interviewer: “Apprehensive? So you are not prepared well”.

Am thinking – I am prepared but I don’t know what crap you have loaded in your head today, and I don’t know how hard would you throw that at me.

Me: “I am prepared sir, but being a little nervous is also good I guess. It helps you from getting overconfident.”

He liked the answer. He asked me to tell him something about myself, and I recited to him the one page document I had written about myself and had learned by rote. Though, to give the impression that I was making the answer on the spur, I took time in answering and in the process forgot the lines in between making obvious that I was reading it from a note in my memory while I tried to remember the lines.

Finally I told him, I am a jovial and fun loving person and how I flew kites during my board exams. This piece of information was not necessary but in my haste to complete the four hundred words answer that I had prepared, and bits of which I had forgotten, I had to add this.

I saw a smile growing on his face. Probably he too had a passion about flying kites.

He asked (sarcastically though; I later realized that), “What else fun you have made?”

I told him that I had watched kaho Na Pyar Hai twenty six times. For that I had to bunk my college 10 times. And I even had to bunk a sessional exam.

His smile broadened. Then he asked me the tritest question ever asked in interviews. What are your strengths? And me, made the biggest blunder (as if I have already not done it) of saying that I am very strong on ethical and moral fronts. Why I could not remember ten different points on the same question I had already prepared, I don’t know. May be destiny has its role to play in everything.

I have given him the rope, and he started strangling my neck.

He mocked, “Ahhh, is it? So should I ask you some questions? The questions could be controversial. Would you answer?”.

I pretended to be brave, while thinking what was coming. “Yeah, I will try”.

Interviewer: “Do you smoke?”

Honesty is the best policy. “Yes I did, but have quit”.

Interviewer: “Do you drink?”

Honesty is the best policy. And anyways I don’t drink. “No.”

Now came the shocker.

Interviewer: “Do you watch porn movies?”

I stared at him. Honesty is the best policy, though this time I could have safely avoided the truth. But the name of porn I guess had excited us both. And I said, “Yes”.

And I knew the interview was over and a social debate had started, because the next question was –

Interviewer: “Is that ethical?”

I was bold, “Why not?”

He was surprised, “Why not!! Watching nude girls is ethical?”

I said, “Its art and its entertainment”.

He said, “Entertainment? Justify it?”

I replied, “You watch TV for entertainment. You watch movies for entertainment. I watch porn for entertainment. How is that different?”

He questioned, “But society doesn’t accept it. That’s why it’s not ethical.”

I tried to justify, “But as long as I am not carrying that into the society, how can it be morally wrong? I watch it alone, behind closed doors, enjoy myself and then threw the thoughts away before moving out into the society. How can anyone question the morality of it?”

He still was adamant, “Whatever you say, but illicit thoughts do enter us while watching it, isn’t it? So it’s not ethical.”

I wondered, since when sex had become illicit unless you are not presenting it socially as a very offensive, obscene and vulgar stuff.

I repeated, “Unless I don’t carry the thoughts with me into the society I don’t find it unethical or wrong.”

It has been more than half an hour already and we both realized that it had been enough. As he stood up to see me off, he gave me an advice.

“Be a little more diplomatic the next time you tell something like that.”

I left with a smile and as I came out of the hall, I looked at everyone immersed in their technical books, and hoped that they knew what I had been asked.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

For my Valentine

The day when I met you girl

It was just another day in my life

The day was cold, I wanted some warmth

And then you walked in and filled me with surprise.

With apprehensions, I send you a message

I was not sure if you would reply

But I prayed to God to be a little kind to me

And this time even He obliged.

There was divine intervention

And you turned out to be an angel

Your response blessed me

I knew you would be my bride.

The first time I heard your voice

I was ecstatic

It was like several temple bells

Ringing with all the heavenly might

I needed you girl

I missed you all the years of my life

The only regret I have is

Why I have not met you earlier in life.

So we started spending time with each other

We have not met yet

But we were coming closer every moment

Love was getting ripe.

The attraction was not physical

We had exchanged the best and the worst snaps

It was on a very subconscious level

Our souls met and committed our lives.

The strange part of this affair is

No one talked about marriage

It was understood from just the silence

We have to be husband and wife.

None of our families gave their consent

Against all odds we convinced everyone

But we fought all, time and fate

And went for our first date.

And what a pleasure it was

You and me together for the first time

I loved you girl and your beautiful eyes

The world was beautiful, I had no complaints.

And now we are committed socially

And you are sitting far away from me

But remember girl that there is no one

Who loves you more than me.

Monday, February 1, 2010


SEX IS LIKE A RESTAURANT. Sometimes you get good service, sometimes bad service, sometimes no service. And many times you have to be happy with SELF SERVICE. You got it.

Beautifully compared! The person who wrote it must have been hunger struck. It reminded me of my days in Mumbai. Not the sex part, but the restaurant.

I went to Mumbai on my first job. The company had arranged for a hotel in Bandra, Pali Hills, which was an area known to be inhabited with stars. I had thought that the stars lived in the skies. The hotel was rumored to be four stars. This had elevated my status in the family. It turned out to be a farce, but I anyhow liked the cushions on the bed, toiletries in the bathroom and the foreign dignitaries staying in the hotel. One of my colleagues got the news that the breakfast in the hotel was given free. It was a fact very incredible. The age old adage said there were no free lunches. But our watered tongues and frugal pockets argued that this was about breakfast which was far apart from lunch in time. The word free sounded very derogatory. So we started saying that it was not paid. But then it looked a little something not right. What deed we did to deserve unpaid lunches? People like me are not happy with even free breakfast. We learnt that it’s the complimentary breakfast that many hotels serve. Since then we made sure to make for our afternoons in the morning itself. I liked the hotel cutlery also.

Mornings in Mumbai start with vadapaav (a rudimentary form of sandwich) and the day survive on it. There is a very good restaurant in Bandra – National Dhaba. Get out of the Bandra railway station in the west and walk left for about hundred meters. This restaurant has served food to many struggling actors and serves very cheap and delicious Punjabi food. Try it.

Even if you would not find the service good or bad (and there is no self service) your appetite would be satisfied. And it is what matters most. You got it.