Friday, November 27, 2009

Yahan Wahan Ki

~ Nov 26, a news article in the sports section of a major south daily (I would have given the name of the news paper, but then I don’t want to be sued ;-)

India to fight for the ninth position

I mean, is it ? really? still FIGHTing ? for the NINTH position ? what an achievement would it be !! What a desperation to beat? If only there was this same enthusiasm towards a win …

~ I am desperately waiting for Himesh Reshamiya’s new movie – RADIO. After Ashutosh Gowarikar, one man is adamant after historic movies … in the times of LED, LCD, satellite TV, TATA Sky, Broadband, DISH TV, etc., Himesh’s RADIO feat! It is his tribute to the 10 something radio channels in Delhi and UP that kept blaring his songs since his appeareance.

~ day before yesterday – the day is really not that important, I just happen to remember – a friend wrote me a scrap. “Shilpa Shetty has not invited Akshay in her wedding”. I thanked that guy for providing me with such an important piece of information. So sad buddy, he is your favourite actor. Your heart must be aching on such an atrocity. I sympathize with you.

I realized - people really lend their ears to such gossip and then discuss it too.

~guess who has not felt recession? Bappi Lahiri – I still see him loaded with a bridefull of jewellery just around his neck. If he is to be kidnapped, they won’t ask for any ransom. His bridal garnishings would do just fine.

~a friend just asked me on chat – “offc main gals hai?”. Humne ek sher hi arz kar diya –

udasi ka sabab hi yahi hai
ki bandiyan nahin hain yahan ...
uspe saara din yahin rehna hai
jayein bhi to jayein kahan ...

~for the past whole week now I have been sleeping at 6:00 in the morning. Finally, I think, I can diagnose myself with insomnia. An imsomniac never gets any sleep. But did I mention that I keep pouring coffees inside my system to keep myself awake in the office. Why this whole cycle has went upside down? And it is also not that that whole night I keep awake to write blogs…

~feeling very very sleepy now … time for coffee with Karan … err … I mean Gaurav.

~ adding at 3:47min 20secs a.m. 10.5 milliseconds (how precise…)

At last I have find a society that can rescue my blogging career. Its true – there exists a bunch that call themselves – “Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Blogs”. How nice of them to even exist. You don’t know guys how grateful I am to you. Half of the posts I have written are just to cajole people into writing some comments on this blog.

~How addicted are you to blogging? find out your blogging quotient

Thursday, November 26, 2009


Dilli ki jawaan sardiyon ki shaam ho,

Hamare haanthon main jaam ho,

Ho unka suroor,

Ishq main dono hi hon majboor …

Romantic verses. 1% mine. I mean hundred % mine. Zero key on my keyboard is not working.

That is how I have conjured my first date to be like. Pretty crazy though. Most of the girls look at me with suspicion when I suggest this. Candle light dinner, blue skies, deep blue ocean, far from the maddening crowd, on some weird island, a gentle breeze - is what they mostly expect. But I only expect her and expect that she will only expect me on a date. Amid a maze of expectations, love is lost.

What usually follows after a break-up? Apart from tears and pain, a few more important things, without which the once lovers won’t find it easy to move ahead in life -

~ first things first. All the sms are deleted from the mobile. In those non-techinal days, there were love letters which might had been brutally burnt during cold winter nights. The last warmth of the dying love!

And during the days of Akbar badshaah, the pigeons ferrying the love messages might had been cooked for dinner. Poor birds.

~ all the snaps are deleted. From email boxes, from mobile, from the computer. Would be in much trouble if it is found later by your next love interest. And yeah, you don’t forget to take the snaps out of your wallet, and to remove the ones hoarded between those thick books in which though there were no pictures, yet they had been treated as graphic novels.

~delete the phone numbers. This is solid confusion. Should delete or should not? Now this is the only connection left. What if you could not come out of this breakup shock and just want to hear her the last one time? Or you just feel that strong urge to message her. And along with her, there are 1, err ten more numbers of her girl friends. You find it hard to delete those numbers this easily. No way. You do one thing. You write them down in some sacred diary and hide it in some remote corner of your home. you can always look out for this diary later. and now you can easily delete the numbers from you phonebook.

~ she is added to your friends list on social networking sites. What are you going to do? Can’t delete even if you want to. Once in a while you would want to take a sneak peek into her life. The secret lover in you can’t let her go so easily.

~you tell all your friends that you had a break-up. No one should mention her again. Mention some other girl. You want to move ahead in life. Is it?

~anything else???

Bhot bakwaas likh di. An apple a day keeps doctor away. but a post a day, drives good thoughts away!

The use of drinks in those opening verse (opening verse !!, as if this is an Odyssey carrying many more compositions) is a perfect lie. The only alcohol I have tasted in my life is what comes in those cough syrups. I am 1% non-alcoholic. I mean hundred %.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Another post for post-production work

Midnight, night or early morning – 2:30 A.M. and salma aaga’s poignant voice filling up the room – ‘zindagi ek pyaas ban ke reh gayi …’ it’s a very depressing duo. I was on the verge of tears when someone gave me a ping on gtalk. - “bhai, free ho ke?”

This further irritated me. “abey free tu hoga. Main anmol hoon… :-X”

Oh. Why do they have to ask wrong questions in the most vulnerable mood. But how could he know? I tried to patch up. “just kidding buddy. I have written a new post. Why don’t u check it out?”

He again asked the wrong question, “okie, what’s the url?”.

Grrr … I have already given it to you three times man. Every time I have to plead and drag you to it. Get lost. Oh, but anyways no one visits this blog. I have to maintain some minimal readership, even if I have to bring them by the neck. Feels like after writing every post, I have to regularly do this post-production work they do when a movie is to be released. Writing up special invitaion cards and promotions.

I checked my temper, “ye leh … and add it to your bookmarks and visit it everyday”.

I have added a counter and I will keep a check on you, I thought. what a pity? This guy could not have ever read beyond those little horny 2 rs blue books which the back benchers bring to the school classes. I will mentor his reading habits. I pledged.

Ten minutes gone. No reply. Slept or what? I tried to dig him out of his slumber. “hey, what happened?”.

“Yeah, just read it. Good one”.

Even if I had asked this question five minutes back or an hour later, he would still had just managed to read it. Trying to avoid any bad thoughts, I immediately refreshed my browser to see if he has put some comments. None. Useless guys, free main padh lete hain … abey kuch padha to kuch likh bhi deta … %^@#^*

It was enough, I craned up salma aaga’s neck and was about to log out when he further annoyed me, “dude, what if someone reads your post?”

What do you mean? I am not coaching for civil services here on this blog so that someone will be benifitted reading it. Read humour and have a good laugh, what else? I echoed him my thoughts.

“no, I mean what do you get when your post is read?”

Aaahhhh…. Money minded morons. I know you must be thinking if I am making some money writing these posts. And even if I am, the rate at which you visit this blog, yeah sure, I will earn a dollar for charity in a year or two.

“If people leave comments, I feel connected. Criticism motiviates and appreciation pleases. You play guitar for yourself. But if someone appreciates your chord play, you feel good, right?”.

He nodded.

Time to sleep.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


Beep …beep… a sms on my mobile. ‘shaadi ho rahi teri’.

me too was very glad to hear that I was getting married. I got up from my system, congratulated myself and broke the news to a few close friends. Badhai ka mausam came. And kisi ne unka naam poocha. I coyed a little, creating an atmosphere of suspense in which I would tell these mortals the name of that angel. But oye, even I don’t know the name. when suddenly the reality struck me. someone insisted, but abey naam to mujhe waqai nahin pata. Who knows before me that I am getting married.

Certainly, the message was not from my mom-dad. Shaadi ko leke am not so frustrated that they have to address me like that and have to break the news over sms. And definetly it was not God, I don’t know if Reliance has put a tower in heavens too or Nokia has setup shops there. Anyways, pehle to aakashwani hoti thi. Kalyug hai, but still, God has other stronger means to be heard.

I asked the wedding party that was fuming up around me (because I have told them so late about my marriage) to cool down and checked the message again. Then I understood that it was not an assertive statement. Indeed it was a question. People still behave like class two boys, fooling around with punctuation marks. Question mark missing. Don’t message on an empty stomach. I know, old joke, but universal truth hai. Needs to be keep reinforced. Ek to waise hi short message, usme bhi why do you have to miss the necessary ingridients? am I supposed to read the message or play Da Vinchi Code with it? Yeah yeah, I know you too use No Marks to rub the scars off your face, thought it is meant to wipe some other hangover, but bro spill some marks where they are needed.

Anyways, I didn’t put much attention into why this guys was so shocked hearing the news of my marriage as if I have broken his heart and have proposed someone else. And if he was, I am better a bit distanced from him. Though who might have spread this rumour about my marriage interested me a little. Ma pa, jaldi se shaadi kara do meri. If not me, then my friends are getting impatient of waiting for the good news. Look, they are having delusions and shocks!!

I too felt a little bad because of the false rumours on this sensitive issue, but consoled myself off the thought that, chalo babu, koi ni, you saved some bucks. Otherwise, these guys dancing around you were not discussing your wedding present, but were looking up that most princely restaurant in Gurgaon deciding the menu based on the reversed Big Bazaar motto that – sabse mehnga, sabse accha.

This sms guy caught me on chat a few days later. He was still furious.

Guy: ‘you didn’t told me you are getting married?’.

Me: ‘where did you got the news from?’.

(I could be very argumentative at times. A simple NO, AM NOT would have ended the chat then and there, but as I said before, I too was keen on knowing the sources.)

That question from me raised more doubts in him about my marriage. He might had been a little skeptic, now he would completely disbelieve me whatever I tell. Either a yes/no would count as a wrong answer. I am in a predicament now.

Guy: ‘tell me, is it true?’.

Me: ‘No you tell me, who gave you the news?’

Guy: ‘its someone I cant reveal, but you must have told me.’

Me: ‘I would, but who is that someone whom you can not reveal, but he certainly knows a lot about me’

Guy: ‘I have promised, I wont tell you about him’

This is now getting cheaper than a melodramatic scene from a bollywood movie. Nahin, kabhi mat batana, kasam mat todna, chahe dosti toot jaye …

Me: ‘ok, if he knows so much about me, trust him only.’

Guy: ‘I want to hear it from you.’

Emotional blackmail ab, sounds like the heroine who has just heard that the hero is dating some other hot chic. Am enjoying it now.

Me: ‘nahi bhai, you cant tell me who is discussing my life, I cant tell you anything now’

(some more dhan te nan goes on …. )


Guy: ‘okie, live your life, you don’t care for good friends. You have not told me. still I am wishing you a happy married life’.

Bang … this guy logged out.

Final break up. Climax. Girl and boy seperated. Not a happy cool ending. But emotionally paisa vasool …!

Monday, November 23, 2009

On Marriage and Love

This is a very good mail I recently received. Its worth reading and following ...


During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, " How do I know if I married the right person ?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It Depends. Is that your husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered " How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with Your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked Their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, " I was swept of my feet." Think about the Imagery of that _expression. It implies that you were just standing There; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the Natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls Become a bother ( if they come at all), touch is not always welcome ( when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you Think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, " Did I marry The right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of The love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.

This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their Unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is The most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You Could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because ( listen carefully to this):


SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find " LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the _expression " the labor of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it Takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific Things you can do ( with or without your spouse ) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe ( such as gravity),

There are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise Program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your Relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... You can " make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a " decision"... Not just a feeling.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Amitabhs latest movie ...

Who is this funny looking, distorted little old chap? This is the new avatar of Amitabh Bacchan in his upcoming movie Paa. Amitabh is playing the role of a kid ( ??? :-) ) suffering from progeria, a rare disease in which the child ages rapidly. And Guess who is playing the father of this kid? Junior Bacchan. Check out more at the official website of the movie, and here at rediff.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

My New Buddy

Thoughts can go pretty wayward at times. What I wanted to tell in the previous post when I started with I was alone in Chennai kind of stuff was that I was lonely until this guy Gaurav joined my team. Though I wished he was a girl, my desires sometimes call him gaurvi or gauri, who in these alien circumstances would have let herself drift towards me, he is anyways doing a great job as a guy. He has brought all the charm and humor that comes so naturally to Delhiets as the need to go to loo on a bad stomach. I have showed these few lines to him and he has laughed so much, most people don’t laugh that much during their life. I wondered how one can laugh so much on something funny intended to oneself. But I guess before people can laugh on you, you better laugh on yourself. You would be out of the inferiority complex that very moment. Try that! Before anyone can discomfit you, embarrass them.
He has a tummy coming out and with that ever present pleasant smile on his face I don’t feel the need to put an idol of laughing Buddha on my desk. Chennai has increased his grin many folds as he starves, err, I mean on a diet, and there are no food options to fascinate his appetite. I have to drag him down to the cafeteria in the name of few girls he is watching these days.

The ways he dresses up and his accessories made everyone wonder actually what company he belongs to. A typical day he comes attired in one company’s t-shirt, carrying another company’s bag, wearing a badge from a third company and since we are working at client side, he walks into the office of a fourth company. The security was bewildered to see representatives from so many companies in one man only, but he won them over with his timeless and timely one liners.

Until I had met him, I knew only few options in MS-Outlook, how to check new mails and to reply and forward one. But he seems to be playing with mails all the time. He sits right next to me and every time I look at him, he is busy sending mails. Personal mails, private mails, official mails, all sorts of them. But one thing I like about him, he is very meticulous about keeping his inbox clean, free of any spams. So thrice a day, he checks all his mail accounts, around a dozen, and toils hard to delete all junk mails from his inbox and then from his junk mail folder.

Here I have tried to sketch his face which reflects the beauty of his soul. The sketch resembles him quite a bit and even if it doesn’t exactly accentuate the contortions and distortions on his face still you would get the feeling behind who I am trying to describe.

Friday, November 6, 2009

time pass

September, I was alone in Chennai. No, the Chennaites have not abandoned the city but I mean that my ears starved for some Hindi. I was left virtually alone at my room. Television is there but you can’t talk to the television. My roommate is there. A college friend, but he prefers talking to his girlfriend now. Believe me, the major network operators in India who cut such huge revenues are running healthy because sleep deprived, socially nonexistent people like him never feel sick of talking for hours on phone. Office was also at the same side of the coin. A team of all Tamil speaking people, who I guess must have proved a miserable failure in their Hindi classes.

It’s very natural that when people from the same community collide they resort to speaking in their mother tongue. Ideas always float more efficiently and succinctly in the natural language of the people. So in boardroom meetings, it was always Tamil that took the upper hand over English, and I was just left clueless. Finally, I came up with a suggestion. I told them that before starting a discussion or argument, however they might want to phrase it, just inform me on the topic. Then they can continue brainstorming on it in any language they want. If I would have something to contribute I would do so. And after they are done, just read me what was the conclusion. This proposition proved to be a breather in the coming meetings.

The only positive thought that made me survive among these people was that I am polishing my communication skills in English. Whenever I had to say something, I had to tell it in English. I have discovered in the process that I have a very weird problem speaking English. Whenever two consecutive words start with an s, my tongue falters. As an example, if I have to say ‘she sits’, it always comes out of my mouth as ‘she shits’. I hope I do not ever have to tell anyone about the movements of a lady!

Going for lunch and evening snacks with these guys is always amusing. The team here is super cool, and I would have enjoyed it a lot but only if I knew Tamil or they knew Hindi. So even if I enjoy their company, sharing laughs always turns out to be an exercise. By their gestures and context I have to make out the joke and have to match my facial movements with theirs. I have to follow their eyes which are busy following a girl, and though their glance return to each other after a while, mine continues to stick with her, following her all over the place till she disappears inside a lift. But then another one comes out of the lift and she is stalked, and the cycle continues until my reverie is broken by their guffaws and I become conscious that I am not part of the group anymore and need to concentrate again.

Join a software company and the first few months are a little light. The expectations of your manager hover around your getting acquainted with the product, your learning of the system and ice breaking with the team. Unless you are not of the types who want to do it all, you can stretch yourself a bit and enjoy the work and learn at a leisurely pace. Many people call this honeymoon period. But once this honeymoon period (typically lasts for 3-4 months or so) gets over, the pain of pregnancy and delivery is also very unbearable. Like a girlfriend turned wife changes within a few days, your boss no longer remains the same person. The demands grow and you wonder whether that honeymoon could have lasted a few more days. Social life comes to an abrupt ends and rest of your evenings are confined in office. Very tough time, it is like a triplet is born and you have to toggle yourself between all of them efficiently unless you do not want yourself under a load of piss and shit.

Monday, November 2, 2009

M@rketing $kills

I remember one Filmfare Awards. Radio Mirchi, the spiciest (it has mirchi in it) FM, was covering the felicitations for the bollywood aficionados. After listening to the monotonous chant on the technical awards for half-an-hour, I wished had my geography lessons been aired so repeatedly, I might had got better ranks.

Anyways, the thoughts turned me nostalgic of my school days, so I tuned into another channel which had went on air recently. This RJ exhibited some real marketing skills. She amusingly said, "Filmfare is going on somewhere. But you've got nothing to do with it. So be with me and listen to ...” The channel sold whatever it had (or didn't have?).

Gr8, isn’t?